3/30/355
Almost Aprilis already. Soon I’ll be 23, four years since I came to Lithmore. How’s that happened?
And I haven’t written a bloody thing in here in nigh on four months. Aye, the problem at the Group distracted me, but that’s still pretty astonishing.
I look back on this winter as one surreal exhausting nightmare, from which I’ve finally passed into spring. There are many problems still dogging my heels, but at least my head is clear and my heart calm, and I have options to move ahead.
The Hillbeast. The Defiler. The Strangler. Villains, and dangerous ones. But ultimately, they are all but mortal men, and what is mortal can always be killed.
Now I just hope someone who’s actually bloody authorized to do something about it will take the information we’ve amassed and make a plan. This isn’t my area, this isn’t my field, and it won’t be my men who do anything about it. Sure, I intend to fight, but I don’t intend to lead them unless I absolutely have to. If I have to… well. We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.
Speaking of burning bridges, I wince at my last entry here. How could I have been so stupid? Well, I know how. I’ve been betrayed so many times. So many people I trusted turned out to be enemies. Madilaire, Julea, Bryne… still, it doesn’t excuse jumping to conclusions. I’ve got to get a better hold on my temper. I can only count myself lucky that Romana forgave me for my hasty words and assumptions.
Almost got some good news the other day. Almost. I still don’t entirely know how to feel about it. I know that hope should be dominant, hope and gratitude that it’s still within my reach. But to know it was going to happen, months ago, and then it didn’t… it makes my heart clench.
By and large I’m a happy man. I have my trials and my tribulations, but they always pass. There’s just this one thing that I still don’t have, this one thing that I want alone in the whole world.
Please, Lord. Don’t let me screw it up again.
