Countless Hours

I find myself taking more and more time to myself, or with just myself and children. It is easier to be off on my own, I feel like I am even when I am not. A journal is a grand thing to ramble away in is it not? Alas- ramble is no doubt all I shall manage to do when putting ink to parchment.
A loneliness has settled into my bones and I feel older than I truly am, even if I look younger. I do not know why it is that way.. perhaps his ways are trying to seep into me. I do not like that- it is like me to be out and among the people. These days I am however behind desks or hiding away in shops. Companionship is required to continue on- to combat the feelings I have.
We lost so much and have gained back so much but I still feel lost. It is a terrible feeling. I wish it would be washed away with ease like the soot upon fingers when scrubbing off in a scalding bath.. See- rambling. Oh, my meeting is beginning. That is the end of that for now.