July 17th, 2012

(This last is the only page in the diary that is not either torn out or illegible)

If anybody finds this, I think the irony is that I faked a death in Lithmore only to have it come true in Tubor it seems. Another irony is that, after years of being a spy, a smuggler, a liar, a cheat, a thief, a whore, it was my own people and lot that have finally turned on me and bit me.

Captured by smugglers on my way to take a boat back home? Yep, that’s what I call irony. Don’t know whether they’ll turn me to slavery or what, but it looks like I’m going to be fighting my way out of a pack of rats very soon.

Whoever you are, please grant a dead woman a last wish: take this to the Salyndri place so that if the Tubori Rose ever asks about me, they can tell Talya that I love her.

Stone Cottage

July 17th, 2012

After 4 days and a hard ride a bit into Penmoor (I HATE HORSES), we finally got to this stone cottage. There were several people in there, and I thought the guy named Daramonde was going to slit my throat. He led me down a flight of stairs into the cellar, and then he opened another hatch in the floor. Sort of reminded me of the Blind Horse that way. Never would’ve thought in a million years what I’d see.

It was a chapel-looking place with a tapestry of Talya all done up in green feathers. There were roses everywhere as well. Arien people have turned Talya into their own version of Saint Celeste. I also found out that these people have become much better organized in her absence, with Daramonde at the helm.

Claret Falls (Redcliffs)

July 15th, 2012

We landed in Claret Falls about five days after leaving Pertport. We actually left the ship anchored what seems fifty miles offshore. Too shallow to land at the dock or something. I helped row the boat, and I don’t think my shoulders have gotten that kind of workout in a while.

When we got to the dock (if you can even call it that), we started unloading these weird barrels in the middle of the night. I asked about the le Salyndri place the next morning, but it wasn’t much use. Never could get anybody to answer. Could be that it’s a solid town full of smugglers that don’t like to talk to outsiders. If that’s the case, I was lucky I wasn’t gutted right there in the street.

I had this man watching me for a couple of hours. He finally motioned me over after I gave him a couple of good hard looks. I saw his rose tattoo and I started wondering…And then he said Talya’s first principle. And then I mangled the second, but, either way, the man’s name was Marcais and he’s taking me on horseback to see a man called Daramonde.


July 14th, 2012

I followed the directives given to me, and I came up to this dingy little tavern that sort of reminded me of the Blind Horse. I went in and showed them the bracelet, and they took me to this little basement (really more of a tiny root cellar than anything). Well, I was out for probably 8 or 10 hours from this weird tea concoction they gave me. In the mean time, I now have more scars, more chipped teeth, and thinned eyebrows.

Just what I wanted: to get uglier.

In any case, I’m on my way with Captain Varius to Penmoor, where he knows some folks that have those herbs that can dye the skin. It won’t last forever, but maybe it’ll last long enough for people to forget. Might also have to pull a random body when I get back, maybe try to make it look like me…

No. Arien, I can’t do that. Forget the trouble of killing a South sider, there’s Talya to think about; she’d never forgive me for that. And Leesa would kill me for hurting her like that.

She reminds me so much of Jacob. So much purity. Too much maybe.

In Sight

July 13th, 2012

Saw “Eddie” again today (both Talya and le Storm call him that, talk about make me gag). We didn’t really talk. Got a letter from Talya today. She didn’t cuss me out. Instead she told me she was crying real tears, which is about fifty times worse. I’d rather her want to strangle me than just miss me. Wrote le Storm as well and apologized. The cat’s out of the bag, so why not? Granted, I was drunk when I did it, but, really, why not?

I saw the shoreline of the islands on the horizon as the sun set. It was beautiful. Don’t know why all these Tubori leave. Must be something I’m missing from just looking at it. Of course, I’m not sure I know one that wasn’t forced to in some way.

Arien, I miss Talya. She might be the one thing that draws me back.

Almost There

July 12th, 2012

We’ve been sailing about ten days now. The second that I get off the boat, I’m going to find that Inn I was told about. I’m going to get my appearance changed as much as I can and then head off to the Le Salyndri cane farm place. I figure that somebody will likely know where it is, and I’ll head out there to start my search of her cult. I mean, it seems the most likely place to go in search of a place with people I can hide with. I’m just not sure if I’ll ever go back to Lithmore once I get there. As much as I love a lot of people in the capitol, I think about how much havoc I’ve caused, and I just don’t know anymore.


Ran into “Eddie” on the ship. Arien. He told me Lady le Storm had challenged Wolfe to a duel over all of what’s gone on. Double Arien. I never would’ve thought she’d be so upset she’d duel him. Talk about unexpected reactions…completely and utterly unexpected reactions. It was a gamble telling him to go ahead and write and tell her I’m alive, but that poor woman really has been through the wringer enough. Oh, she’s absolutely 100% out of her mind stir crazy. But I still like her, and she has been pretty decent to me.

I got drunk on some rum after the storm had passed and wrote Talya. If she writes back, she’ll probably cuss me out, but I couldn’t help it. I miss her a lot.

On the Run

July 11th, 2012

So we’re about halfway to Tubor on Captain Varius’ ship. I’ve been working hard, swabbing the deck, helping with the cooking, and getting some combat training in. There was one (there always is one) who came onto me a bit too strongly, couldn’t take a hint, but that stopped after he lost several teeth and almost lost a hand.

I don’t know how long I’ll be there, but it will probably be a while, longer than I’d like. I expect they’ll have my note by now, and I’ll need to be gone for a while. No matter how well I am disguised, it’ll be better to be gone for a few months at least. Let my memory grow fuzzy in people’s mind, let the little mannerisms that would give me away grow dim in their memory.

As to why?

I wrote the Cardinal about seeing her about my marriage. I got a letter back saying that she’d send for me when she had time, and then she just kind of never did. Aye, I freely admit that I was the idiot who married him in the first place. But, then, you have a man with a reputation like him and these people just don’t seem to care that you want to get away from him. But these Orderites mostly care more about their appearance and their power. That’s a fact of life that I learned a long time ago, and I’m still kicking myself over forgetting that.

I wrote the Cardinal a nasty letter a few days ago, pretty much straight up saying I was going to do whatever I had to in order to get the church’s attention, including dealing sugar cubes (which I already have) and committing adultery (which I also already have). So that’s why I did what I did. I lost it after seeing Wolfe in the square and had a typhoon of insanity. It was a nasty letter, that, much as I hate the Orderites as a whole, I still shouldn’t have written: insensitive, over the top, and just general bad form on my part. When I got some sanity back, I realized I’d be lucky if they didn’t string me up for heresy, so I beat tracks.

The bottom line is that I never should’ve tried to do things the right way and never should have attempted to go the proper route. Better I should have trained up and killed him myself, else used the vacuum of power to try and seize control of the Brotherhood myself.

Or maybe I should have just taken a branding and had done with it.


July 8th, 2012

7 Novembris, 354

So I walk through the square today, and there he is standing there just as brazen as you please. Who you ask? Why my husband, of course. On the other hand, there’s a rumor that the Brotherhood has a bounty on his head, so maybe they’ll do the job that the arien Reeves don’t seem to be able to do.

Talked to Rothgar again in the theater. He’s started to ask some very hard questions, questions about morality and the differences between the Front and civilian life. Personally, I don’t like it. He’s an Orderite and close with Orban and Storm, which is probably why he asked about me having another man in my life. Seems somebody’s been running her mouth and speculating. Or maybe he’s just voicing what everybody else is already wondering.

Either way, I don’t like him asking so many questions. He says that I am quiet but seem to know a great deal. When you get an Orderite and a low-level Knight who thinks you know a lot, it’s just asking for trouble. Should start pretending to be an idiot. After all, I don’t know that much.


July 7th, 2012

So it appears as though they have targeted Doctor Sekunder as the Tenebrae. Whether it’s true or not remains to be seen, though he sure did have a vicious fight with the Justiciar and Calindra the other day in the square. His poor bodyguard died.

On the other hand, if he is, then Wolfe’s as good as dead the second he gets out of that tower, and I’m sure ab Stirke’s not far behind. (If half the rumors about him are true, by the way, then no wonder he makes my skin crawl.)

After all, nobody leaves the Brotherhood alive.

A rumor

July 3rd, 2012

You spread some coin around and eventually you get a tidbit from a group of gossiping merchants: Rumor 56:
‘That was real cold, setting up her husband like that so that she could take control of the Brotherhood. Word is, the Laudable Poet, or whatever her fancy title is, accepted her into the Troubadours. That a coincidence, ain’t it? Just about the time the Poet has that… problem… she’s dipping her fingers into the Brotherhood’s pie. Thing is, I hear Wolfe’s still got supporters. Those better be careful next time they step outside that pretty theatre.’.

And, now, I’m pretty sure I’m going crazy. I’m pretty sure I would have drank myself to death tonight if I hadn’t been stopped.

I cried for the first time since the night Jacob was dragged away. I never cry.