So we’re about halfway to Tubor on Captain Varius’ ship. I’ve been working hard, swabbing the deck, helping with the cooking, and getting some combat training in. There was one (there always is one) who came onto me a bit too strongly, couldn’t take a hint, but that stopped after he lost several teeth and almost lost a hand.
I don’t know how long I’ll be there, but it will probably be a while, longer than I’d like. I expect they’ll have my note by now, and I’ll need to be gone for a while. No matter how well I am disguised, it’ll be better to be gone for a few months at least. Let my memory grow fuzzy in people’s mind, let the little mannerisms that would give me away grow dim in their memory.
As to why?
I wrote the Cardinal about seeing her about my marriage. I got a letter back saying that she’d send for me when she had time, and then she just kind of never did. Aye, I freely admit that I was the idiot who married him in the first place. But, then, you have a man with a reputation like him and these people just don’t seem to care that you want to get away from him. But these Orderites mostly care more about their appearance and their power. That’s a fact of life that I learned a long time ago, and I’m still kicking myself over forgetting that.
I wrote the Cardinal a nasty letter a few days ago, pretty much straight up saying I was going to do whatever I had to in order to get the church’s attention, including dealing sugar cubes (which I already have) and committing adultery (which I also already have). So that’s why I did what I did. I lost it after seeing Wolfe in the square and had a typhoon of insanity. It was a nasty letter, that, much as I hate the Orderites as a whole, I still shouldn’t have written: insensitive, over the top, and just general bad form on my part. When I got some sanity back, I realized I’d be lucky if they didn’t string me up for heresy, so I beat tracks.
The bottom line is that I never should’ve tried to do things the right way and never should have attempted to go the proper route. Better I should have trained up and killed him myself, else used the vacuum of power to try and seize control of the Brotherhood myself.
Or maybe I should have just taken a branding and had done with it.