It was my birthday last week. Happy birthday me. Eighteen. And somehow, although my last birthday was on a ship, alone, sea sick and throwing over the side, somehow, this birthday was worse.
If… I was in Tubor there would of been a big party, and dancing. Lots of dancing. Probably a spit boar or two. Everyone always liked to outdo everyone elses parties. I guess I could of had a big party in Lithmore too but what point? I would not of had an escort and no partner to dance with. Instead I watched other people drink wine and eat sugar cubes. I didn’t because I promised. Some girl then stripped down to nothing, danced and then tried to kiss me. Course she was slapped for her trouble and I told her to put her clothes back on. I swear, this might sound insane but I’m not making this up.
I then named Eddie dead to me. I’ve never done that before. I’ve heard of others back home doing it. And I doubt he’d even understand the significance of it. He was once my closest friend. My only. And I doubt he even cares. But it’s done now. Still hurts more than I want it to.
I’ve still not heard from Jei. I know he’s busy but… if I never see him, how is it that we can even be courting? Even if only by letter of which I’ve had none? Am I that unappealing to him?
I feel like something is broken inside of me. My dreams have taken a different turn. But I don’t know if I can-or-should write of them here.
One small thing, my brother got me a pretty diamond for my birthday. Just like the one I wanted. Biggest I’ve ever seen. Liquidated ten ships to buy it. But he’ll be gone soon too. Rather he stay than give me a diamond. Rather he stay AND give me a diamond (it is a very nice diamond).
Lieny
