Lien le Storm

I am sorry it has been a while since I last wrote. I went to the cavern for a few weeks and left you behind. I didn’t mean to, and in truth I really would of liked to of done a bit of writing. It might of eased my mind and then my mind got distracted or was forgotten entirely. One small sugar cube, it changed everything. And he promised me he would never hurt me again and that he would become his old self again. And I believed it, I still do. I have to have hope right? Forgive and have hope.

So. I asked him. It was hard. And I’m terrified. Truly. I am so sure that the answer will be no. But there is that small part of me that is hopeful that he’ll prove me wrong… and also prove my Brother wrong and say yes.

The waiting is always the hardest part.

Lieny.

It was my birthday last week. Happy birthday me. Eighteen. And somehow, although my last birthday was on a ship, alone, sea sick and throwing over the side, somehow, this birthday was worse.

If… I was in Tubor there would of been a big party, and dancing. Lots of dancing. Probably a spit boar or two. Everyone always liked to outdo everyone elses parties. I guess I could of had a big party in Lithmore too but what point? I would not of had an escort and no partner to dance with. Instead I watched other people drink wine and eat sugar cubes. I didn’t because I promised. Some girl then stripped down to nothing, danced and then tried to kiss me. Course she was slapped for her trouble and I told her to put her clothes back on. I swear, this might sound insane but I’m not making this up.

I then named Eddie dead to me. I’ve never done that before. I’ve heard of others back home doing it. And I doubt he’d even understand the significance of it. He was once my closest friend. My only. And I doubt he even cares. But it’s done now. Still hurts more than I want it to.

I’ve still not heard from Jei. I know he’s busy but… if I never see him, how is it that we can even be courting? Even if only by letter of which I’ve had none? Am I that unappealing to him?

I feel like something is broken inside of me. My dreams have taken a different turn. But I don’t know if I can-or-should write of them here.

One small thing, my brother got me a pretty diamond for my birthday. Just like the one I wanted. Biggest I’ve ever seen. Liquidated ten ships to buy it. But he’ll be gone soon too. Rather he stay than give me a diamond. Rather he stay AND give me a diamond (it is a very nice diamond).

Lieny

Here I am. It’s midnight and I’m awake and alone again. And sad. Always sad. It is not anything overwhelming or profound. Not the real sadness of loosing someone you love. It’s just this constant suffocating sadness that tugs at the back of my mind, making me panicky and afraid.

But it’s strange because I have a hundred reasons to be sad, yet most of the time none of them are the real cause. If I’m going to be sad about anything, it should be about my Mum or Tarel or Nineve or Eriit and Bene. It should be for the rats or the demons or the bandits or the mages or all the drowned dead. And they all make me sad, as well.

I want someone to take me by the shoulders and shake some sense into me. Tell me I’m mad and to snap out of it. Or to wrap their arms around me and to tell me it will be alright. That everything will be okay and that I’m not out of my mind. That they love me. But instead, there is silence. And sometimes silence can be good, peace, serenity, the pause before a kiss. Anticipation. But now, it is the silence of no one coming. It’s feeling trapped as I try to decide between the silence of being awake and the nightmares of sleep. Dav, I hope I don’t wake anyone. I try not to scream and when I do, I muffle it with my pillows.

Sometimes things just have to be bad before they before they can be good right? And I think things could be wonderful soon. Really soon. Or at the very least, not quite so sad and lonely.

Lieny

I rode in at a gallop, bare back and with fingers clinging in a vice-like grip to the bridle of this mare that really wasn’t so docile after all. I truly do not know how I survived that trip without breaking my neck.

I was in time, just.

A crown of jasmine was tossed my way and I plucked it from the air as I dismounted, bare feet landing on sand still warm from the Tubori sun. I never have been once to do things by halves and my entrance to the wedding was spectacular to say the least. The clapping and cheering at my arrival did my ego good. Here at least I was wanted. Celebrated even. I was a Storm. And there, at the end of the sandy aisle was my weapons trainer and longest and dearest friend.

I took my place at his side and there was a long look between us. You know the sort, the type where words really have no place. I smiled, letting him know I understood.

The night was a celebratory blur, somewhere between the food, the fine wine and the cubies and the dancing… Dav, the dancing, Real dancing, I managed to catch up with old friends and Jemi. So grown up now. So big. He was safe, and that was good to see with my own eyes.

I stepped off the gangplank of the ship looking like any other traveller. Well, almost. I’m sure none looked quite as good as I did. Nothing I wore marked me as Nobility. Gentry at best, my clothes were fine. But not too fine. No sparkling diamonds. No glittering rubies. Even my pearls were hidden away from sight. Instead, I had more skin on display than I’ve had in months, but still, by Tubori standards? This was prudish. Certainly I wore a much more revealing dress on my sixteenth birthday.

Today, the pure white gown cut at an angle across my legs, one side reaching to mid thigh, the other hanging down almost to my knees. Small glossy white shell decorations adorning the hem, it had been purchased from Sartez from a traveller having recently docked from Tubor and hit by the cooler weather, only happy to sell off her Tubor attire for a few handfuls of silver. My scarred stomach hidden, I felt self consious of the concealment.

Gods, the warmth, the heat of the sun on my face, how good does the Tubori sun feel?!

The luck of the sea was with us the whole way to Tubor, and we sailed fast. Which is just as well, or I was never going to make it on time. As it is, I’ve cut things just a little fine, and the wedding is this evening. Just enough time to.. grab a horse and ride there.

Ride.

It’s been a couple of years. Not since the accident. But I’ve little choice if I want to make it to Strongjaw in time. Riding, it’s not one of those things you forget right? At least she looks docile.