I have never been the best about writing a journal, but I really should begin to do so. Between the reports and everything else I’ve been having to do with my new duties, I should really become better about it. So that is what this will be an effort towards that. If anyone finds this and reads it… you had better not laugh or I will track you down and punch you.
I have noticed some of my old tendencies coming back lately, that previous paragraph being a big part of that. I’ve found myself swearing every now and then. I was trying not to, because it isn’t proper, but on the front sometimes you just don’t care to watch your mouth, there isn’t a reason to do so. And there have been times where I’ve had my anger rear it’s ugly head. That has ever been a struggle for me. I’ve largely had it under control, but there are times it comes back. Ariel has a hard time believing that there is that side of me. I hope that he never ends up seeing it, I would rather I don’t end up seeing it again. But sometimes when the irritations build, my temper gets short and I just snap.
Speaking of irritations. There is a rumor about me now. I guess in a way I should find it as a sign of praise, I’m important enough to spread rumors about. Yet it irritates me, because it isn’t about anything I am doing as far as work, but is instead about my marriage banns. Lots of silly talk about how soon it is and Katarina being a widow already. Bad things happen and from all I’ve heard of her ex, he was an asshole and in the end he probably had it coming.
And anyway, don’t the people in the capital of all places understand that noble marriages are hardly the same as a Freeman’s marriage? The fact that I waited so many months to find a wife should be the more surprising thing. I’m not getting any older and I need heirs. I am fond of her, I care for her. She’s been rather amazing to me since I arrived here. I think our marriage will be a good one, that it will grow into a close knit bond. I think we are starting off knowing each other better than most noble marriages do.
Yule has arrived here finally. I fear that I am the absolute worst person at Yule, especially with my laughable finances. I feel so silly sometimes with the gifts that I am managing to give out to people, especially with some of the gifts I have received. Thankfully the people I have given gifts to haven’t seemed upset. Either they truly aren’t or they are very good at hiding it, either way I am relieved. Some of my gifts for others have been delayed due to circumstance,s but hopefully they will understand. Most of the big and important gifts are there already settled anyway.
The first Royal Council was held recently as well. That was an experience as well. I hope that I performed well for it. I’ve never attended anything like that and I cannot deny the flutter of nervousness in my stomach as I spoke during it. I felt like a fresh page handling a sword for the first time before a crowd. I just threw myself into it. And oh the topics we discussed… I’ve been tossing and turning over the debate we had, praying that we made the right choices… I still don’t know that we did, not for sure, but we are committed, I am committed to it for I cannot see another way.
Finally, I’ve moved out of Katarina’s estate and into the palace into one set of suites and then into another. It is… absurdly large really and I will need to adjust the suites, redecorate it, but some of the design elements I just like and it has the things I need. I think I am going to turn the library into a half a library and half an armory. I will have to consult with Ariel about redecorating it, see what he thinks about it.
The bells are ringing, it seems there is to be a cleansing, I must go. I wonder who it will be…