A new year, perhaps a better one?

My time in lithmore this far has… let’s face it, been one more of reclusion than of truly getting my name and family out there. I need to do better is the long and short of it really. I am a noblewoman and it is expected of me to show my face more than I have. This new year should also mark a year where I do not lapse into silly childish things such as letting emotions influence me, feelings are for those without worth in their life. I have a job to do and by the lord I shall fulfil my duty and prove to the naysayers that I -am- the power of Nimrock. I should begin with getting more involved in knowing the guildleaders, those with whom mutual benefit could be achieved.

As aggressively and coldly as I write these words a quiet truth rings in my ears, as childish and unhelpful as they are I can never shake my feelings or emotions. I fear I will never become the calculating and cunning leader I have always tried to be, my façade holds for now but how long till it cracks? How long till everyone sees how much of a mess I really am? How long till it becomes evident I don’t truly know what I’m doing.

Perhaps I’ll need a different angle? A different path than trying to become more cutthroat than those who’d seek to topple me. I’ve never been cut out for politics, and I care about people more than I should. I think for now I’ll continue meeting people, building up friends, acquaintances and allies. See where life takes me, for now I suppose I’ll always have one treacherous old friend to rely on… so lets drink to the dream of forging a legacy, or at least getting drunk enough to stop caring.