Month: February 2019

Today, seemed rather promising from the start.
or so I thought. I had woken up early. Went to check to see if I had any post, after detailing the nanny to look after Olky should he wake whilst I was gone.
As I was riding in to the crossroads, I saw Olklar there on patrol. I decided the post could wait, and kept him company there for a little while. All was well, we laughed and teased each other, as we often do. I spoke to him about the recent expansions on our home, which were done rather magnificently, if I do say so myself.
So then we were meant to meet back home. He said he must go do some things before returning home.
Knowing he was on patrol, I of course readily agreed and left for home, thinking the day would be spent rather pleasantly.
Time passed, and having not heard nor seen any sign of Olklar, I figured he was held up somewhere, and so went forth to check the post.
I did so, and upon coming out of the post office, I saw Olklar.
events occurred, which I daren’t even mention on here, and now I am left alone again at home, writing in this book.
It is safe to say, that I am beyond worried. my soul and heart goes out to my Olklar, and prays for his safe return.
But that’s the thing with worries, it never just stops with one does it?
It starts with one yes, and that one, namely Olklar’s safety remains in the forefront.
But then other worries begin creeping up in my mind.
We have other expansions we would like to have in our house, namely our bedroom. I wonder if we will be able to manage it.
I will also need to pay Miss Ab Alond, and if Miss Le Tavari writes back to me, I shall have to pay her as well for the pantries.
I feel this shortage of money, and not enough coming in.
On top of which, I worry for little Olky.
Perhaps not a specific worry, but just the worrying that a mother does after her baby, simply because she worries of everything and anything all simoltaneously.
Then of course, ever present in my mind is my dear husband.
Whom I worry for constantly, especially now with the goings on.
I truly do wish sometimes, that he might have followed another calling. Rather than one that constantly puts him in danger.
Rather than one that could strip me of a loving husband, and my little Olky of a loving father.
I know he shall never, he loves his work far too much. It is not something I could ever ask of him, but a part of me wishes it, very ardently so. For a man who will not put his duties above me and his family, and for a sense of security and safety.
In knowing that he will return to me safely when he leaves the home, and not dread what ill shall befall him. But alas, I doubt he truly understands these feelings.
If he does, it is of no consequence to him since for him, his duties shall always come first, and that is not something he will ever give up.
Not, that I could ask it of him, as I’ve stated before.
Ah well, such are the worries of a knight’s wife. They are ever present, never ceasing.
Sometimes, I even worry in my dreams, and startle myself in the middle of the night.
I search frantically for him, and on the days I am lucky, I find him peacefully sleeping by my side.
On other days, I realize he is off on patrol, and so I begin to toss and turn, imagining all the things that could befall him, till I fall in to an uneasy sleep. When he returns to me, I am always glad, always happy, and always delighted.
Since that means there is another moment I may spend with him in my arms, and know that no ill shall befall him whilst he is in my very presents.
Well, I have rambled on for quite long enough.
I should go and get supper ready, lest Olklar does come home in time to eat it with me and the little one.
Till next time.

Today, was my 28th birthday. I cannot help but to feel a bit old.
Of course, in reality, I should feel no different than I did yesterday at seven-and-twenty, for I have not really aged so much.
But looking at it from a broader perspective, I can’t help but to wonder where the years have gone. It seems like yesterday when little Olky was born, when Olklar and I were married. yet, little Olky is now a little over one months old, and Olklar and I have been married for near on a year and a half.
I know Olklar and I wish for a large family, but I wonder if my body can hold out to bear him two more children. I am pregnant now with my second, and somehow wish Olklar and I might have met earlier. maybe then, I’d feel more at ease with myself, and not feel the press of time creeping up on me.
Of course, as the years do go by, I worry more and more.
I like to be pretty in Olklar’s eyes, and with my belly ever expanding with my pregnancy progressing, and now of course, with my ever advancing age I can practically feel the wrinkles forming on my face. In my eyes, Olklar is every bit as attractive as he was when I met him. I wonder if he sees me in the same light, or if I have changed. I can only do my best, to resist the years that time inevitably puts on me.

On a brighter note, our expansions on the home should be beginning soon, and I find myself growing rather excited for them. Both Olklar and little Olky are doing well, and for that I am grateful each and everyday.
Olklar has been so sweet to me as of late, he got me such a pretty bouquet of flowers for my birthday, and today when he came back from patrol, he even told me he missed me.
I don’t think he will understand how much those little things mean to me. they mean more to me, than any grand gesture could possibly offer. They in short, make my day.
It isn’t that Olklar does not express his feelings towards me. he does, and I am made aware how he feels for me. But such simple statements, are rare from him, and they are music to my ear.
At any rate, I hear the little one stirring. I should go tend to him.
Till next time.

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