Another year has gone by, I’ve hit that great milestone, thirty years of life. Thirty years and I have a wife and a child on the way. I’ve been serving as High Steward. Things are good, great even, yet I am still filled with some trepidation about things. Ariel and I spoke for a long time after everyone else had left the party. We were drunk sure, but not so drunk that I don’t remember the words we had exchanged.
How much of what I believe or thought is untrue, sheltered in deceit? He tells me not to dwell and I will try not to, but what kind of person wouldn’t at least think on things? It is human. I won’t let it run my life, but I suppose the day just didn’t get started right in the first place.
Nightmares, I’m having more and more of these nightmares about my brothers, my father… and then during that bloody game they had to bring up brothers… what a way to sober one up… to make one reach for even more liquor. I am not surprised that is right when people started to leave… my mood was killed right then. I had just managed to push through it before arriving, forget about it and then that.
I am thankful for what I have, I don’t want to make it seem like I take it for granted, because I don’t, I cherish it all, I just am sometimes left wondering. I’m just… unsure…