(now unpassworded)
Dear Bene,
I love you so much, truly. And it is because of that that I think I must
do this and walk away. I can’t watch you destroy what respect you have
from the people that you love so much in my name. You are one of the
sweetest and wonderful men I know. That you even give me the time of day
is evidence enough of that. That you humour me, and even save me from
myself over and over again.
But how can I even consider taking you from your flock? What is the needs
of this one person when you could be helping so many? And to what end? To
sneak out at night, stealing you every now and then, and seeing the
uncertainity and guilt in your eyes. To see you lose the respect of your
people and the church? Eventually kicked out or ex-communicated because of
-me-? I can’t do that to you. I can’t. I might do a lot of wrong things
every day, but I know this is the right thing. And for once I need to do
that.
Jules.
=========================================================================
The moment it passed from my hand into the Southside Courier’s, I fell to my knees, regretting it. Wishing there was another way. Wanting him so badly to deny it, to come to me and say No. That I am wrong. That I am not that bad. That he can fix it. And we can make it work. To push away the one person that sees the good in me? Am I a masochist? Do I want to be alone? To lose someone again. It is more than I can bare.
Later, I crept through the Cathedral, and spotted him at the Altar. I wanted to go to him, but couldn’t, and turned away and walked out, choking back my own sobs.
