Bitterness and anger

Our home was robbed a few days ago, and as much as I try not to, I cannot help but to be sad, and angry.
The things they took, they were one of a kinds, things I truly cherished.
I know, it makes a person shallow, to care so much for their possessions, but those were things I will now probably never see again.
I feel so damned bitter and angry.
I’m a good person, I spent my life trying to do good by people.
I spent my time here in Lithmore, trying to do the best by my guild, and by the people who have come under my care.
I have tried to slight no one, though of course I probably did.
I’ve worked hard in my life, so then why am I not allowed to be left in peace?
All I ever wanted, was a nice home, with Arlet and to have a baby together.
Now, that home has been violated, and I fail to even see the reason behind it.
I work hard for my money, I make a concerted effort to take nothing for granted, and why is it these things keep happening to me?
I know it was a mage, the thoughts planted in my head, were not my own, they couldn’t have been, considering their nature.
Why can they not just leave me alone? For the love of god, I am not even a knight, nor part of the order, and yet for the second time, I am made to go in to hiding again.
For what? Why?
For once, my spirits do not rise, for once, I fail to see the good in things.
My home, my personal life, violated, me made to pack up what belongings I have and leave my own home.
I cannot help but to see the unfairness of it all.
People, live completely happy lives here in lithmore, they get married, have babies and have a perfectly good family.
Why, can I not be one of those?
I’ve never tried to hurt anyone, and I do not care if I come across as whining. My home was broken in to, and I think I am entitled to a bit of whining and complaining.
I have never done so.
It mattered not, what was thrown my way, I attempted to rise above and to continue living life.
This however, goes a bit too far, and all I see is red.
All I see, is the unfairness of this entire damned thing.
I love, my friends.
I love, commander Steenson and the knights.
However, if I’m to be honest, my confidence is low that they will ever find the perpretrator.
Even thinking so, when I was threatened in my own mind, I told commander steenson, even though they threatened me.
Even still, I did the right thing.
I know I did and so then why is it, that the people who do the right thing, the people who try an be law abiding citizens, who just want to live a peaceful life, cannot be left alone?
Why, are the mages of this world, the people that like to terrorize the innocence, left to roam this city?
Why am I, and others like me, expected to rise above, to live out our lives, to always be good, when mages and the like, can terrorize us whenever we like?
I don’t understand, I just don’t.
The injustices catch up with me now.
I trust and love the commander, as well as the Lord earl marshal, however I doubt they will make any headway ont his matter.
This will inevitably, be just one of those cases unsolved, and they will just give me platitudes, tell me they are working on it, when in trut it is a dead case, and I am meant to deal with its reprecautions.
Oh I know, I ought not to talk so, they are my friends, they do try, but if I have learnt anything during my time here, during these passed few days, is that we as the do gooders, must always learn to move on, to rise above, and the mages and the like, get to roam free with all the benefits that society can offer them.
No, I do not care how dark, or bitter that sounds.
I am bitter, and I am in a dark mood.
So for the time being, I am left to do… nothing, since considering, I am meant to be hiding away again.
Until when I wonder.
Somedays, I just want to give it all up.
Everything, and just go home.
Arlet, of course, was a mess when he found out our home was robbed.
I enver really expected him to be masculine, and I love him so, even when he isn’t as he calls it, the typical man.
However, I always thought, when I really needed him, when I really needed it, that he’d swoop in and take control.
That, he’d take it off my hands and I could just let him take care of things.
I was so upset last night, but then… I couldn’t be, because he was in a worse state than me.
Squire Ab Norcress asked us what we wanted to pack.
I looked to him to take care of it, to swoop in and handle it all.
Alas however, he turned to me, and of course I took care of it all.
When I was so horribly upset over the loss of our wedding clothes, and all the other things we cherished, he was worrying over whether his tailoring things, things that could be bought againa nd replaced, were still present.
I could not believe my eyes and ears.
he ought to have been comforting me, and taking care of things, but he spent the time talking with Miss Banta.
I cannot help, but to feel a bit of anger towards him as well.
I fail to see, why I am always made to take care of everything.
I love Arlet dearly, that will never change, but I feel this is a one-sided marriage, where I am meant to take care of it all, and he is left to enjoy the benefits of it.
That isn’t true, I oughtn’t to have wrote that but… damn it all, I really needed him a few nights ago, when we were fixing to move.
I needed him to take charge, for once, and take care of things.
I needed him next to me, I needed him to hold himself together, for I had tried to do the whole day, and at the time when I might lean on him, I could not, for he was crying, and he was such a mess, that he was made to lean on me.
It wasn’t fair.
Then again, none of all this is.
So I suppose I will end it at that.
Till next time.

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