Same shit, different day?

6/10/367

I was once heard a teeny, tiny voice in my head that said the following: “Don’t do it you fool, you’ll regret it worse than you did the first time.” Of course, I paid this voice no heed. I really wish I had at least given it some thought.

Again I find myself as Earl Marshall of the Knights Lithmorran, though leading a much different group of individuals than my first time through. Though at their core they are the same bastards as the last bunch, just waiting for me to slip up once so they can pounce upon me and tear what dignity I have to shreds. At least I don’t have to deal Casimir this go around, though both his partners in crime are within my ranks… fun times. I should have just turned a blind eye to the offer, but I didn’t want to have to deal with yet another Earl Marshall coming in an acting like their shit don’t smell.

But alas I derail from what I had intended to write. I could fill codex with my feelings on many of the individuals I’ve come to know through the years, but no one would buy it… well maybe a few out of curiosity but not because they want to actually read it. Everyday as I walk into that office, I look down at a certain dent in the desk, at bottom right corner. It’s a minor dent, barely noticeable unless you are looking for it, but it isn’t the size of the dent that I look at, but the meaning behind it. I once was so… consumed by my anger, towards the latter of my first term as Earl Marshall, that I slammed my fist into the desk, as hard as I could physically manage. Thank Dav the craftsmanship of the desk is so fine, else far more damage would have occurred instead of just my hand being the sole casualty. But back on topic. I look at that dent every morning as I walk in, and I try to remind myself to not become that man again, a man who allowed so many of his actions to be ruled by his anger. A man who could not fathom the possibility of trusting others. A man who allowed his paranoia of those around him to isolate him. I will not be that man again, I will prove those who doubt me wrong. I will not let this position down again.

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