Gold Lion
Year 362 SC, Belasdes, Quintilis.
Still no closer to finding him. They have all but disappeared – no more attacks under the false facade of banditry, no more villages mysteriously burnt to the ground in a single night, and no more odd nightmares… aside from the usual.
Was it all just a dream? Was I really possessed? Did I really see the things that I did?
Joseph and I have spent the last year searching for any information we could find on him, on demons, or anything supernatural. We have nothing to show for it except a complete lack of money, and a string of dead bodies marking our path – marking our failures. Lord forgive me, I am crazy to keep doing this. I am not helping people, I am damning them.
But I need to know. I need to know if it’s possible… if what I’ve read is true – this could be just what the Urth needs in order to bring the fight -to- the Tainted.
For now, we rest. We deserve a good, long rest. Not that it’s much of a vacation – in the city I am laughed at and stoned. In public, people tell me to go kill myself. In private, they might try to do the deed themselves.
One bit of comfort goes a mile in this climate, and it was found in Lady Cellan. A cloud of despair hangs over us both, and I think it was that that gave me such joy talking to her. It’s easy to speak with people when you share common interests, especially if they are as all-consuming and deep as suicide. To talk to her, like in old times, makes me feel so much younger. But I will never be that man again, and our conversations might never be care-free.
But maybe…
The decision to join the Knights wasn’t just born out of desire to make Cellan happy – though that is a large part of it. This apathy is killing me. I’d like to win at something – anything – just once again. To feel like I am making progress, coming out on top. And if I happen to find out something about Rexus, or any other demon in the process… well, that’s just icing.
I want to serve again… to hold a good sword, be proud, and help people that I care about. Nowadays, that list has dwindled from a whole county to just a handful of select individuals. I still care about Avonna… but I am not in a position to help my people, only harm them. So, I have put it to the back of my mind
And that… still hurts, a bit. To write. To say. To think. That I could abandon my father’s people. I hope he would understand…