I sit here with my back against the city wall, which still holds the warmth of the day. You lie open in my lap, journal, and my hand moves automatically across your page.
I don’t really know what to say. I never thought this day would actually come. The day when I left Lithmore for good. But it has, and it feels… very anticlimactic. I thought it would affect me more than it is, hurt more, pull at something inside me. I thought it might feel like a relief, even.
But all I feel is numb.
It doesn’t feel like much at all. It’s just another stepping stone, just another place, once loved then lost. I’ve known many. Why should Lithmore have been any different?
Most of those I love are long gone anyway. I suppose it is fate that I should follow. The city’s too cold now. Too cruel. Too unforgiving, unfriendly and painful.
I see Eamon everywhere I look. I hear Yra’s songs in the sighing of the wind. I feel the breath of Ary’s whispered pleas every time a summer breeze caresses my cheek. I see those friends lost to death watching me from the corner of my eye. There are so many memories, many good, but right now, the painful ones are crowding in. Drowning me in a sea of anguished tears I cannot escape.
I cannot stay here.
Some might call it running. I don’t really care. I call it taking time to breathe. Retreating to a haven where I can heal, far from the stone walls that cradle my anguish like a basin from which it cannot be drained.
What will I do now?
I’m not entirely certain. Assist Marigold and Keric. Use my knowledge in trade to help out where I can. I’m sure I could save them a lot of coin by making much of what I know they are forced to buy. Raise Lorcan in peace, where he’ll not be faced with prejudice based upon his guardian’s race or social status. He deserves better than that.
I can hear the sound of a wagon on the broken road. It may be the one Keric and Mari sent.
I don’t think I will write again, journal. This ends yet another chapter of my life, and I am not keen on looking back upon it just yet. I thank you though, my dearest and most treasured of confidants. You have held my secrets well, and you will always be utterly cherished.
I wish you all the very best.