• Confessions

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    June 26, 2013 /  Uncategorized

    So, the Troubadours were taken to the Guard Quarters for questioning, and Regilus knew. I knew I was done the second that he wanted to talk to me first. He basically gave me life in Ahalin for being in the Brotherhood. I didn’t want to deal with it, so I chose to make a deal to confess in exchange for death.

    I’m so arien tired of living with all of this sin, all the secrets. I was Tenebrae until I quit. I was the one to kill Kirop, and I ordered the hits on Myles and Sanna.

    I know why it happened. It’s my consequence for being a coward, for not being stronger and more loyal. I deserve to die for what I’ve done, and I know it.

    I hope that everyone can find it in their hearts to forgive me for what I’ve done. Especially Finn. He’s better off without the risk that I represent, that I represented from the very beginning.

    I hope that he can forgive me one day.

    I hope that he can find it in his heart to love me still, because I’ll love him until the stars fall and Heaven itself lies in ruins.

    I hope he loves me enough to do the hardest thing of all:

    Let me go.

  • Protected: Thoughts in Depths of the Night

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    June 15, 2013 /  Uncategorized

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  • A Duel

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    June 15, 2013 /  Uncategorized

    I watched today, in abject terror I might add, as Lord ab Azadar and Lord le Orban had a duel. It was shortly after a meeting with Phiona over a few things, namely some stuff that I wanted to order from her. The thing was announced.

    Half the people in attendance were Physicians, and I suppose that’s one thing that we have to thank the Lord for right there. I don’t know what would have happened if they had not been there and been there in full force.

    When I saw Gwen, I instantly understood why Lord le Orban was doing what he was doing. She was wearing this face mask and couldn’t even speak, for crying out loud. When le Orban went down, she practically cracked Miss dul Soneu’s head open trying to get at him to treat him.

    There was blood everywhere, and then it started to rain like mad.

    I almost lost it when the man with bets came around, though, as they’d already both lost about a pint of blood a piece, at least, at that point. Probably shouldn’t have, but it just seemed like way too serious a thing to be betting on, you know? Anyways, I remembered where I was in time, though I got a few looks.

  • Thoughts in the Night

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    May 28, 2013 /  Uncategorized

    It’s strange what comes to you in the middle of the night. I think about how we now know about Ciri and Ehren. I think about how they were both thieves, and I wonder how people so normal and so nice could be so bad at the same time.

    Is that the nature of reality here in Lithmore? Is the evil and corruption running through it to the core but just a facade of innocence sweeps through this city? I have heard many say that it is true.

    I have heard many Tubori say that the Lithmorrans are a lot more immoral, they just cover it up better. I didn’t used to believe it. After all, the Tubori aren’t all that serious about intimacy, and smuggling is practically a national tradition. But now, in the watches of the night, I begin to wonder if they don’t have a good point. I want to think that they’re wrong, but I just can’t right now.

    I wonder what the dark underbelly of this city would reveal were I to go deeper. As much as curiosity drives me, though, I know that I could never, ever go deeper into that. As dangerous as it is to be going around with Finn, it’s only about a thousand times more dangerous to start down that road.

    Besides, poor Finn would pull his hair out. And I don’t want to die. Probably slowly and painfully.

  • Sappiness

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    May 23, 2013 /  Uncategorized

    Good video to illustrate how Seilena feels about Finn.

    I Won’t Run Away by Ashes Remain

     

     

  • Wounds and Weddings

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    May 21, 2013 /  Uncategorized

    Finn got attacked by that Myles fellow on the streets of Lithmore, and it was perhaps only due to Salazar appearing that Finn was saved. I saw Myles in the stocks on my way to the hospital and almost stopped to ask him why he was in them. I suppose it’s a good thing that I didn’t, or I might be going to the chopping block right now. I saw the wounds on Finn. I want Myles’ blood on my hands and his still-beating heart in his mouth.

    I didn’t hear anything from the Orderite that I mailed, so I went to the Cardinal and asked for advice on whom to contact. She said that she would see Finn and I in confession within a week. Sounds like fun. Confessing to the Cardinal herself. The downside to this is that I think she may be a Vandagan, and they’re not usually very tolerant of such things. On the other hand, she doesn’t have a patronym, so it’s possible that she’ll be a bit less snooty. I mean, I’ve met her before, and she seems like she’s alright, but she’s still the Order.

    And half their arien job description is making sure that people suffer.

     

     

     

  • The Child 2

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    May 19, 2013 /  Uncategorized

    Kirop is missing. Nobody has seen him for a week or so. It started simple enough. He ran off when I scolded him too harshly, and I’m falling apart at the seams now.

    If he’s dead, it’s my fault. If he’s hurt, it’s my fault. I should have watched him better, should have tried to keep better control of him. Arien, I’m only eighteen, though.

    I’m coming apart at the seams from guilt, from fear, from anxiety. I sobbed myself to sleep the other night, and I can’t stop crying. Everything is just a giant wash in the world, and I don’t want to do anything.

    My heart’s been torn out.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Protected: Proposals

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    May 16, 2013 /  Uncategorized

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  • Finn

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    May 16, 2013 /  Uncategorized

    I never thought that I’d find somebody like him. He’s so sweet and understanding. I told him all about my father and our situation, and all he did was say that he hopes my father one day sees reason. He knows about my past as kind of a wild child, and he has yet to judge me for it. He grins when I come into the room, and he blushes when I give him pecks on the cheek. He is so amazing in every way. He’s so pure and innocent, and he treats me so amazingly well.

    There are other things that he does that are amazing. I won’t put such lurid details in this journal, but it’s nothing that I would tell my mother about. On the other hand, it’s nothing that I’m too worried about because we’re being careful…very careful….

    I love him more than I ever thought I could love anybody. He makes me want to be a better person, makes me think about what I’m doing before I do things, causes me to hesitate before my temper gets the best of me. He’s so good for me, so arien amazing for my self control, something that I so desperately need. He’s so nervous about me coming up withchild that I bite back my lust for him and don’t push it.

    I’ve heard from the Tubori that there’s somebody out there for everybody. Even though it’s a quaint notion that I know is unrealistic, I have to wonder in my heart:

    Have I found my soul mate?

    He believes so strongly in me and only sees the best in me that he makes me want to be better, makes me strong enough to be that person that he sees.

    Have I found my heart’s twin?

     

     

     

  • Bards

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    May 14, 2013 /  Uncategorized

    So I got accepted into the Troubadours very quickly, and I was glad that I did so. There are the most wonderful people in that guild, and there is one man in particular that I am quite fond of. He is so bashful and handsome and…anyway, I’m gushing. All I’m going to say is that I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with him already. I’m not sure how or why that’s possible, but I know it’s true.

    He’s just so amazing.

    (Later)

    As for what I’m doing, I’m trying to write a play, and it’s going okay. It’s supposed to be funny but educational at the same time. I’m hoping that it’s deemed okay. I’d really like to put it on at some point. I’ve been apprenticed to Linnea, the Poet Laudate, and I’ve sent it to her. I hope she likes it okay.

    As for what I’m playing, I couldn’t help but grab those things when I saw them. A carpet bag with pipes hanging off of them…they were just so unique, and I didn’t even know what they were called. I finally found out when Lady op von Eclen (arien what a mouthful. these nobles and their ridiculous names) told me that they’re called bagpipes.

    As for him…he’s even more amazing than I ever thought possible. How did I get so lucky?

    And what price am I going to have to pay later on down the road to balance the scales?

     

     

     

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