January 8, 2015 /
The spring draws closer and I have yet to speak with my Knight masters and draw out plans. I suppose I shall simply mail to them my ideas, it seems our time is not entirely pressing yet as Ariel has not been after me for the decision. That is not a terrible thing though, I feel less rushed by the lack of queries on his part.
Some relaxation has eased back into my form upon Cellan’s return to the city, and her visit to me. To be parted from a friend as wonderful as her would have been a slow death to me, I am fairly certain of that. It is surprising, and startling that the loss of someone can still hurt after experiencing so much loss as I have already.
The entry ends here.
January 8, 2015 /
The Announcement of Pregnancy
The titling of this entry only makes this seem all the more real as I write in my journal.. Within my belly grows yet another child- a year after the last departed it. I was worried I would not be able to conceive again but such worries were clearly foolish. Tomas seems fit to burst with joy- which entirely amuses me like you would not believe. Kaerrick had been happy- but this is far much more so than even he exhibited..
The entry ends here.
January 8, 2015 /
There are approximately twenty-two days until I am wed once again.
There is an edge of excitement but a greater worry of uncertainty.
I hope I can provide Tomas with what he desires of me, my body has not
been entirely the same since the loss of the baby so many months ago.. A
year now? Things will work out properly though, my flow is present and that
is a good sign. Fertility. Even so to ensure things move along with ease I
am going to use my medicinal and herbal strengths to aid. After this child
I imagine things will progress more easily towards pregnancies in the future.
There will be less stress to produce an heir for Vees, and that will definitely
ensure things go well. I-
The entry ends there.
November 4, 2014 /
I can feel it getting closer.. hours at most? Contractions have set upon my body- clenching pains that see me driven to sit and seek the comfort of odd body arching, pillow and blankets. Upstairs Tomas sleeps peacefully and he deserves it. While he would have a fit if he knew I was letting him sleep.. Oh well, the man has been terribly busy while I have been busy… staying at home. I could feel the time growing near and Yule- well I was barely function-able in Yule. My gifts to people were either sub-par to non existant. These last few weeks have been heavy and hard on my body.
*there is the beginnings of a letter but it is smudged around by a thick and jagged line*
I do not think I shall be able to write my musings on this night for much longer.. Before long I shall have to call my maids to attendence and see Tomas kicked from our bed. I had hope to see him a full nights rest but.. that is not going to occur. I hope I am able to bear him a son- but admittedly I want another daughter as well. Girl’s are simply adorable and a terrible lot of fun to dress up.
Oh, Arien.. My water has broken…
In the Predawn hours of Decembris 29th a baby girl was born to the Jinosa House
October 11, 2014 /
Just a few more months and I’ll be a mother to my third child- yes. That’s right.. third. I have not forgotten the angel baby who is now with the Lord because of my own selfish desires in this life. That is neither here nor now though- Tomas and I are expecting our first child in only a few months and he is.. absolutely excited by it. I feel like I grow larger each day- even though it has only been a few years since I was with child the late term it feels like so much longer. I do not recall all the aches, or Lis being this active.. Every child is different though, and this one is merely ensuring I know they are well and active near every moment of the day.
I am so thankful for Cellan putting on a party for Tomas- I had promised him something but completely failed in providing it for him. It is pleasing to know we can depend on our friends to help cover those short-comings. A noble by blood and birth.. and title yet some days I feel my mind disagrees with all of these things and I’m just another woman. Pregnant and barefoot running between garden, hearth and babes.
That’d be a simpler life..
(A few blots of ink stain here)
August 1, 2014 /
I’m drunk. Completely and utterly wasted, thanks to the drinks in my own bar so at least I have some sense. Drinking alone only looks poor if people catch you doing it, and everyone that could come upon me this late hour is asleep. Thank Arien Yule is over with, for my part I only received one present this year; I did love the gift.
Why am I writing in this while my mood is such? Who knows- it is better than yelling from the Veranda though. I saw that Maxwell received a proper birthday gift from me, probably more of a mistake than anything given the conversation which followed.. I really aught to stay away from the man and he I if he feels so towards me.. ‘You’re killing me’ repeats in my mind over and over- but I’m not doing anything but trying to be a friend. Apparently I should do less.
Cellan still hasn’t written back, but I do not even know if she has gotten my letter. It has been less than a week since I wrote her the short jot of what could be barely called a letter.. I would have went with her, blindfolded if need be. I must know if she is alright, and whatever cause took her away is improving. I love the woman dearly and I am deeply concerned about all things concerning her, too bad I cannot serve the Dowager Queen and be a confidant in all matters. I might worry less if I could see her every day for an extended period..
The rumors have begun, and their words deliver a stinging bite to my being, but I will push past them and pretend to hear not a thing when whispered in my presence. Long ago I decided that such things were beneath me, and I have more things to see to.
I cannot believe the Earl Marshall and Grand Master decided my first Squire will be Casimir. The Lord is surely giggling in amusement.
July 30, 2014 /
This last day before Yule passed slowly, and not without chilling me to the bone when out in the weather. After finally receiving my Dearest Cellan’s word to go ahead with the wedding to Tomas I began the task of seeing it approved by the Knights as our Lord Regent had already spoke his approval. Little did I know all that the day had in store for me- being blinded by a mage to start it all off in the best way possible. Then during a meeting with the Earl Marshall, where I received his permission, I was Knighted! All of this pleased Tomas immensely and we proceeded to the Cardinal, who merely needs a few letters stating approvals.. In a few short months I shall wed again and I pray that it will be a blessed union. True Happiness and pleasure from one another.
It seemed fitting to move out of those extravagant suites I lived in at the Palace since Kaerrick insisted we do so. After a brief exploration to smaller, simpler and more grand suites I surprised myself. I -wanted- to live in the Azadar suites, they were beautiful and just what I wanted. Even while writing I imagine Casimir would laugh and then spit in disgust at the idea -I- would be living in the suites formally lived in by him. Things will be changed, cleaned, his family name will no longer be associated with them but I imagine there will always be a marr on that section of rooms however. I do not care, they will be my personal suites and mine alone. If I had known how much time I would be spending at the Palace these last few years I imagine that I would have never built my estate to be honest.
Soon enough I will be Katarina ab Jinosa– oh dear me does that sound and appear strange..
July 2, 2014 /
I feel like water in a pot over the fire, boiling merrily along. Though in most cases this may sound like anger- it is not in this one for I am happy and greatly pleased. I am blessed with the friendship and love these days- something I thought would take far longer than 8 months to have.
Meetings and letters to handle business are all easily handled as the days pass now, not with distaste and hate as I seem to have turned a leaf and come out of my state of mourning. The afternoons present a time where I can find myself within the city, shopping or simply moving about the people. Every other day however I spend on my hands and knees, tending to my gardens. Each blossom grown brings a smile to my lips- and the raspberries this summer made delicious pies to be enjoyed by myself and Lis. She seems to also have a great love for the blueberries which grow abundantly. My evenings however are filled with personal time- spars to train with the Knights and conversations with friends. It usually always ends the same- saddened farewells and promises of meeting the next day even though it may be a week or better before such comes to pass. It is of no consequence though, I am happy once again and it is a wonderful feeling. Even if I may never marry again at least I’ll remember this happiness and pleasure.
One would think I should write on the Regency and the pending debates to come but that is nothing I wish to delve into.. Ariel has stepped up, and some ladies from last time returned to try one more.. The woman complimenter le Fictis of Tubor.. We’ll see.
June 23, 2014 /
The days pass so slow, I live in most moments as a lonely woman.. The sunshine of my life is however Lis. She is a beautiful child, all the good of myself and Kaerrick combined in one being. For as much as I desired her to be a fighter like us I think she should become a dancer, performer.. but she’ll of course have to be groomed to take the Baronial seat.. I am just a pretty figurehead for the time, seeing things remain steady and trades make it through the pass when it is not closed up. A terrible thing to be in charge of a land you know so little of- thank Dav for the advisers that are in place.
I have finally decided to come out of my mourning clothing, seven months after his death. And on that very same day I met with Tomas, Count of Vees. It couldn’t be helped, my staring.. So improper but so unstoppable. He has no eyes for me, and it should be that way, for hardly knows me. His tanned and time tested skin, those blue eyes.. not quite the same sapphire blue but so rich.. His hair.. Muscular build.. Lord strike me down if Samantha noticed the longing look I had in my pale eyes for that man to hold me and assure me the world wasn’t as bad as I believe it to be. It was good, to have not met him alone..
A woman but still a girl in so many ways..