Decembris 4th
Well it happened. I thought it never could. I have given up on the Knights. I like to think that during my two and a half years within the knights that I did some good, but I also have to ponder what I should have done differently. Perhaps if I was harsher on my knights instead of trying to show them respect they would not have turned on me so easily. To think that Dame ab Vazien, a woman who seemed sensible would give into her selfish desire for public recognition, and take it so far that she would team up with a man who was once a demon, and likely still is. Even now as Earl Marshall she corrupts the knights further by letting herself be manipulated by Casimir Aldair. What was she thinking reinstating the man? What grounds does she even have for such an act, an act that goes against the very orders of the current cardinal.
But alas I fear the knights are too far gone for redemption. Call me a coward, but I would rather not have my name tarnished and go down in history as ‘The grand master who sat by and watched the knights crumble’. That is not how I wish to be remembered, not in the slightest.
Even as I sit by and watch city officials scandals being revealed one by one, I can’t help but wonder when those calling out the scandals will take a look at themselves. The politicians of Lithmore are each corrupt in their own way. Some value power, some value allies, some just value wealth, but they all believe themselves invincible. That their little misdeeds will go unnoticed. I was fool for giving my only copies of those letters to Cambrea. If I had kept them I could be revealing to Lithmore that their illustrious regent is nothing more than a slaver. He thinks me a fool, that I actually bought his story that those letters were forgeries, and that someone just happened to forge his seal so perfectly. Why I hid those documents from the rest of the party that day in savir I am unsure… perhaps it was some form of misguided loyalty I felt to the man, wishing for such scandalous information to not be released to the public. Or perhaps it was the fact a large part of me wished the information wasn’t true, that the man I had looked up to, and taken guidance from wasn’t little more than a glorified slaver. I was fool to give into such a desire, and now I, and perhaps all of Lithmore, is paying for my mistake.
I just pray, with all my might, that my current actions may make up for my past mistakes. I am walking a fine line, and one misstep shall likely lead to my death.