10-14-369

April 30th, 2016

I thought I was going to lose him- to have him taken brutally by wounds would not have been a thing to have easily suffered through. I have dedicated myself to men before but it is not the same. There is a stronger bond- stronger… hold that keeps me entangled.. in love. I thought I had loved before, but the emotion within me now is strong in comparison. Perhaps because it was allowed to grow on its own, unexpected and unbidden by some girlish desire. At least he is going to survive his injuries and he’s not lost anything.. Amazingly of all to me is that Silrie allowed me to help with his wounds, even if it was just binding them.. which I did a horrible job at but it makes one feel useful none the less.

I cannot wait for this White Flame business to be over.. so much bloodshed.

Twenty-Two

March 18th, 2016

Another birthday has blurred beyond the lines of recognition- I cannot even recall what I did yesterday to celebrate it. The days leading up to it glorious though, admitting to myself and him of the intents of my heart.. I cannot say I ever expected to express such emotions to a person again. After all the loss and hurt of not only those I was attached to in relationship but also friends.. There has been so much loss in the last two years. I am grateful that I had such a close friend when things were needed, and foolish friendly indiscretions can evolve into something deeper and more meaningful.

At any rate- I need to tend to my responsibilities. My mail. People requesting a Poem from the guild. I must say that is the first time that has happened in my time here in the guild which is at least three years.. if not bordering four. I do not imagines it matters, but hopefully someone will feel capable of writing the Poem requested.. Troubadour or not, Poetry is not my forte! The guild ranks need to swell, but these days it seems people flee from our guild- though I cannot blame them after all the trouble that befell us with Yrata and Lissette.. I miss those two ladies..

A New year

February 21st, 2016

The new year as per its usual fashion has not slowed down- things moved quickly through Yule and right on to now.. Oh, the date- 1-20.. I’ve seen friends fade from my life and not in ways I wish.. Tuan’s death never verified, Yrata and her issues and disappearance from our lives.. Liss attacking the Countess.. Such drama and such a mess. Why can things not go smoothly in this city? The troubadours are like a curse- and even as soon as I became Poet Knight again I seek to vacate the seat.. It is a terrible thing, but it must occur. Other venues of life must be sought out and learned, to survive. I feel to remain a troubadour is almost a curse..

On a more positive note I have enjoyed my momentary breaks in time with Hunapo and Margaux.. I enjoyed Yule with them both, and have managed to continue enjoying stolen moments with Hunapo. Our Proconsul as my neighbor has been quite a fortunate thing. All in good time though- a relationship or a friendship.. I dare not push for more than he’ll offer and I am allowed in this life.


 

 

Yule

November 11th, 2015

This Yule has been filled with several ups and downs.. I cannot argue though- the ups have been beautiful! I have kept quite busy- playing for a moment at the Coin during the Troubadour-Court affair, attending the Yule Gallery opening with Adgen, dancing in the Farin district with Hunapo and Brynieve.. I do not know the former Justiciar well, but she seems a wonderfully cheerful woman.

Hunapo spoke of having a party at the docks, once the weather breaks thank Dav.. I imagine that to be a wonderfully fun idea! Though, I hope people know atleast a bit of swimming in case they fall from the docks.. I’ll need to brush up on my ability to be quite honest.. Ah, the sun is rising. I must be off about business.. til another time, Journal of mine.

12-4-367

November 6th, 2015

(This entry is written in what appears to be an unsteady hand- wavering more than usual. A few drops of ink stain one corner of the page.)

 

Yule is terribly close- only a few days away truly. I wish to make some changes to the way things are lain out in my new home.. There needs to be a division into at least three rooms down here.. Maybe more, deeper? I do not know what would seem useful and what would be seen as simply foolish- that is what happens when you put a land lover on the sea though, mmm?

On a not so pretty note, since the last time I wrote Tuan and I were engaged to wed once more.. and then just the night before last I broke it off.. It seemed terrible to do such, it hurt us both but I do hope that our love will continue to live on. We still exchanged Yule gifts, we cried, we touched.. and then we parted ways. I do think I will avoid the Avenue for some time in an attempt to not run into him. Terribly afraid of welling up all those emotions and sniffling- build a wall around it internally and stuff it away.. Sounds like an appropriate plan, no wonder I like singing sad love songs.

I really should turn in for sleep. At least I have one good neighbor- I really do not know the other person well enough to judge them..

A Septembris Night

October 16th, 2015

 

I have never had to work so hard to make a person feel needed, wanted or worthwhile. It is terribly disheartening that people can make one person feel so worthless in their life for missteps taken. Perhaps I forgive too easily? Perhaps my heart just longs for the beating of another beside it in the darkest of hours? Whatever the reasoning may be- I will stand at his side when he needs me to. All good things will come in time, and I am terribly afraid that perhaps they will not but I keep this smile and remain optimistic on the outside while inside I feel a scared child.

 

October 14th, 2015

Septembris  6th, 367

 

To the hand of Father von Bearsmit,

I have written to you several times since my arrival to Lithmore, but still not enough. I trust your health is still well even in your advanced age? I swear you will live to be the oldest Vandagan man known- and it will be good will it not? But Alas- I write you to let you know of changes once more. It seems things will be ever changing here in this place.

Somehow I have come to find myself with the title of Laudate at the Theatre once more, and with a broken engagement. I do have many doubts that I will ever marry again, and wonder if it is some sort of divine punishment for something I did wrong while with your son unknowingly. I was but a child then- tried to be the best wife that I could even in my fear. I am thankful for your family though, you all became my family.. are my family. I must stop for now though- many tasks to handle.

Lord Bless and Preserve You.

All my love,

Addienna op Bearsmit

7-31-367

October 4th, 2015

It is midnight and I should be deep in slumber within my bed rather than laying here on my stomach, etching these words with quill and ink. I always find myself filled with worry for those I hold dear to me. Those I consider friend. After the loss of so many I never know who is next: Adgen in the Ahalin has not helped to calm my emotions.

Some nights I find myself drunk into a stupor within my bed, behind the closed door and tucked away so no one can see me.. especially Darley. She is a such a dear girl, I must remember her this Yule. I am terrible at purchasing gifts for others during the holidays..

(a few drops of ink and a smear indicate the writer has likely fallen asleep.)

Hello world!

April 24th, 2015

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